Where are My Boxers?
by thewayshesaidLA
Summary: Harry, Ron, Hermione and a few other classmates are all of a sudden transported to an island for a game show made by Fred and George, of course. Unlikely things such as – what appears to be – clones as themselves start to appear on the island! Oh my!
1. Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

"Where in the bloody hell is my peanut butter sandwich!" exclaimed Ron while flailing his arms in the air and running around the common room like a chicken without a head… and no, the chicken's head wasn't naturally gone.

"Innunnooo," Harry quickly commented. Little did Ron know that Harry had quickly stuffed the sandwich down his throat.

"I mean, the sandwich was my best friend! We would play exploding snap together, run through the burrow together, play with Scabbers together… do everything together! sigh I miss him so much..." Ron starts to close his eyes with a smile playing on his lips. In Ron's head were quite disturbing images of Ron holding his sandwich close to him and skipping around the garden outside of the burrow.

"Well, if you don't have your sandwich, I guess we could do something else instead of spread more peanut butter on your sandwich." Harry wiped his peanut butter covered mouth on his sleeve.

"But… he needs more peanut butter or else he's gonna get a bread tan! We couldn't let that happen to him!" Ron started to flail his arms and run around the common room again.

"Then let's do something to get the sandwich off of your mind! Why don't we have some fun?" Harry winked at Ron and started to get off of the couch and walk towards Ron.

"Hmmm, good idea, Harry." Ron started to walk closer to Harry. Harry started to put his hand into the back pocket of Ron's trousers.

"Damn, where are the Building Blocks, Ron! I can't find them!" Harry exclaimed after a minute.

"I swear I put them in my pocket earlier this morning after we finished playing with them! I swear to my duckie trousers I put them there!" Ron started to stick his hand in his pocket also.  
"I found them!" Harry shouted triumphantly while pulling his hand out of Ron's pocket and taking with him a little tiny box of Building Blocks.

"Thank god! I thought that I had lost them there for a second!" Ron sucked in a huge gulp of air and let it out while squeezing his eyelids closed. It became a habit of his after he lost his inhaler and Snape had to give him mouth-to-mouth. But the odd thing was, why did Snape look like he was enjoying giving mouth-to-mouth to the red-headed dork?

"Bigofy!" Harry pointed his wand to the box of Building Blocks and suddenly, the blocks became twice their size, just perfect.

"Yay! Building Blocks!" Ron clapped his hands together, plopped down on the floor and started to build… with the Building Blocks. Harry plopped down across from him and started to build also.

"Hey, where's Hermione?" Harry questioned after five minutes of building… with the Building Blocks.

"Probably in the library or something…" Ron mumbled incoherently while continuing to build his Hogwarts miniature.

"Well, I'm going to go look for her! Continue with the Hogwarts miniature, Ron! Potter, out!" Harry saluted Ron and rushed out of the portrait of the obese pink-dressed lady.

When Harry entered the library, he heard something along the lines of a monkey making odd noises. Harry cocked an eyebrow, walked over to Madame Pince and asked, "Where are my boxers?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I borrowed them last night. I'll be sure to give them back to you tomorrow," Madame Pince replied in a manly voice which was quite odd, but Harry was used to her… or him… borrowing his boxers by now. Harry nodded and walked over to the nearest bookshelf to see Hermione standing behind it, spinning in circles and singing "I'm a Little Teacup." Harry cocked an eyebrow at her when she kept doing it so he just shrugged and started to join her.

After about ten minutes of dancing, Dumbledore suddenly apparated in front of them wearing… a lacy bra and a thong… "Oh, this is my favorite dance of all time! Now all we need is some music and it will be PERFECT!" He then magically created a stereo that was playing Britney Spear's horrid song, Toxic. Dumbledore, Hermione and Harry danced for the next hour until Harry suddenly remembered about the Building Blocks!

"Oh, I'm going to go back to the common room. I'm worn out." Harry waved them off and rushed back to the Gryffindor common room. When he got back to the common room, he saw Ron putting a DVD into the DVD player that was hooked up to the television Hermione had created so she could watch Barney every morning.

"Harry? Could you make us some popcorn?" Ron asked while still trying to figure out which button played the DVD.

"Sure, but what are we watching?" Harry asked as he conjured up a microwave and a bag of instant popcorn with extra extra extra butter so he could fatten Ron up and make Ron look like a marshmallow. Harry always had these odd dreams about Ron running around looking like a delicious, fluffy, yummy, luscious marshmallow. He never knew why he had them. Oh, but do we know.

"You'll see once I get this stupid bloody muggle device to stop being corrupt!" Ron started to jam the DVD into the slot and press all the buttons. Ron finally got the DVD to play. How he did it is not important. Harry popped the popcorn (with the extra extra extra butter), put it in a bowl and walked over to the couch to watch the DVD with Ron. When the movie started to play, Harry realized it was Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban!

"Muggles are crazy! They actually think that I have a godfather named Sirius Black who escaped Azkaban Prison! They're all insane!" Harry started to laugh like a crazy wizard, that he is, while Ron just shushed him and intently watched the movie.

"Hey, Harry! How come in the beginning of the movie you're reading about the spell you're practicing which you obviously already know how to do?" Ron asked Harry while he paused the movie.

"Uhh… I don't know! I didn't make the movie! It's not like these things actually happened to me or anything like that!" Harry answered ignorantly.

"Eh, I've seen this movie too many times. Let's watch the seventh movie!" Ron said as he took out the DVD and jammed the seventh movie into the drive. Don't ask how, but he succeeded in doing so.

"But this is our seventh year, so how could they have a movie about it already out?" Harry asked quizzically while tilting his head to the side.

"How am I supposed to know, Harry? It's not like I'm a muggle! I wonder what it's like to be a muggle..." Ron started to daze again.

"Hey! Look, Ron! That's what happened at the beginning of term!" Harry pointed to the television screen and covered his mouth with his other hand as if it was something marvelous, something to be treasured forever.

"Maybe the muggles have a wizard spy who knows what we do all the time!" Ron exclaimed and pointed to the television and covered his mouth with his other hand, like Harry.

"I never actually thought about that…" Harry started to ponder over the possibilities. Throughout half the movie, Harry was pondering on who could be the super-secret-muggle-spy-who-is-actually-a-wizard-spying-for-muggles-who-create-the-Harry-Potter-movies.

"Look Harry! Look!" Ron pointed to the screen again. Harry awoke from his daze and looked at the screen.

"Oh my god!" Harry exclaimed and started to stuff his face full of extra extra extra buttery popcorn out of nervousness. On the screen was Harry stuffing his face full of extra extra extra buttery popcorn and Ron pointing at the screen.

"But that's what's going on right now, Harry!" Ron screamed, got up from the couch, and started to run around the common room like someone was chasing him down with a flamethrower.

"Then they are probably recording it right now, Ron!" Harry moved his head to the right, and so did the Harry in the movie. Harry could see Ron running around in the background as if the television were a mirror. "Well, this is odd." Harry walked over to the DVD player and turned off the movie so that Ron would calm down.

"Hey, Harry. Now that I've calmed down, do you think we could see the actors' interviews? I want to see if the have any common interests that we have."

"Sure, Ron." Harry turned on the DVD again and went to actor interviews. They started to watch the interviews and Ron seemed to be intrigued by these muggle actors, who played Harry, Ron, and Hermione in the movies, Dunkin Rabbits, Emission Wanker and Rub N. Grind.

"Bloody hell, I wish that we could be them…" Ron stated while Harry nodded his head in agreement. Before they knew it, they were gone. Yeah, they were gone just like that. Just… poof. Just gone. Gone gone gone gone gone – do you catch my drift?


	2. Sexually Retarded

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, for fuck's sake! And if I did, him and Draco would be shagging already!

"And just like that, we're gone!" Ron exclaimed as he fell to the floor. The odd thing was, the floor was warm and felt soft. It molded into his body's shape when he laid in it. He felt comforted by the feeling.

"I smell water!" Harry screamed as he walked over to Ron.

"So do I, Harry!" Ron jumped up from his laying position and looked at Harry in an odd fashion. "But it doesn't smell like regular water, Harry! It smells like ocean water!"

"But that smells like regular water!"

"No it doesn't 'cause it has salt in it!"

"But it still smells like regular water!"

"Who cares! It smells different to me!" Ron looked to his left and to his right and said, "Harry!"

"Yeah, I'm still here. How did you know!" Harry gave Ron an odd look.

"Why is there water here?"

"Maybe it's poisonous water Voldie sent us for a going away gift!" Harry exclaimed and clapped his hands together like an excited six-year-old who's going to get ice cream. "Isn't that sweet of him? That Voldie, always so thoughtful of others."

"I wish that he were here… with my sandwich..." Ron randomly shouted and started to run towards the pool of water with celerity. Ron jumped into the water and started to splash around and sing the theme song of "My Little Pony." Harry just stood there in the same spot looking exactly how he did when Ron was talking to him.

"Whoa! Who the fuck are you!" Harry squealed and poked the person in front of him who had snuck up in front of him. The boy in front of him had dark, black hair, blue eyes, and was about the same height as Harry.

"I don't know! Who the fuck are _you_!" He squealed just like Harry.

"Why, I'm Harry Potter, of course, and damn proud of it!" Harry puffed out his chest which made him look like a penguin.

"Is this a joke? If it is, then this is _so_ lame…" The boy put his skinny arms on his hips and glared at Harry.

"Are _you_ joking! I am most _definitely_ Harry Potter! You mean you've _never ever _heard of _me!_" Harry backed away and threw his arms up in the air. "I mean, muggles have the movies, and wizards have the books of my – _gorgeous –_ self in it, so how could they _not_ know me?" Harry wondered out loud.

"Did you just say _gorgeous_? Surely if _you're _gorgeous, and you're really Harry Potter, than I am too!" the boy said arrogantly.

"No way, you are _so_ not gorgeous! Are you kidding me! And, anyway, why would _you_ all of a sudden be gorgeous 'cause I _am_ the real Harry Potter!"

"Helloooo! I am so, obviously, the–gorgeous–Dunkin Rabbits, the 'muggle' who plays you in the Harry Potter movies!" Dunkin put his hands up and did imaginary quotes with his fingers when saying "muggle."

"Ugh, that movie is SO dumb! Those things didn't really happen!"

"Who cares!"

"I'm still more gorgeous!" Harry crossed his arms and glared at Dunkin.

"You are most definitely not! Have you seen my beautiful, flawless skin that I get from putting lotion and make-up on everyday! Helloooo, it's perfect! And look at yours, you have a pimple!"

"It's not that bad!" Harry tried to cover his forehead with the palm of his hand secretly. It didn't really work. "Yeah? Well, my eyes are GREEN! BRIGHT GREEN! Like GREEN apples! Ha, APPLES! Everyone loves GREEN APPLES!"

"More people like sweet foods and my eyes are BLUE like BLUEberries! Which are SWEETER than GREEN APPLES! Which are sour! Just like you! Sooo, I am more gorgeous than you will ever be! I have the BLUEberry eyes!" Dunkin crossed his arms across his chest and sent a death glare over to Harry. Death glare destination: flight from Dunkin to Harry. Cost: one insult. Cost of insult: Priceless. Everything is priceless with MasterCard. Go to your nearest bank to register for a Master – NOOOO! TELEVISION BRAINWASHING!

"Green is prettier! It looks tropic and exotic! And that's just like me!"

"You're a stripper? I could've guessed that…" Dunkin cocked an eyebrow at him.

"I am not a stripper! You are!" Harry pointed a finger at Dunkin accusingly. Even though Harry did strip for Draco once when he needed to raise his grade in potions…

"Haha, nice try, Harry." Draco popped up in front of them quickly and then left.

"So you have stripped before, Harry––––" Dunkin started but was cut off.

"Daaaaanny! Where the hell are you! You fuckin' idiot, you always get lost in the fucking short grass! You fuckin' idiot. Who the fuck are you, you fucker!" A guy with blonde hair and blue eyes said with a lot of profanity.

"I'm fucking Harry Potter, fucker!" Harry said proudly.

"Yeah, like he's fucked before…" the boy with blonde hair said.

"I so have! Go ask Ron!" After Harry said that he shut his mouth with his hand quickly.

Ron popped out of the water, raised his hand in the air and shouted "AFFIIIIIRMATIVE!" and he dove back into the water.

"Haha, stupid fuck. God, you guys are so fucking lame. What's your fucking names!" the blonde one asked. Oooh, sounds like Star Wars. "The blonde one asked." Nah, not anymore.

"I'm Harry Potter, and that was Ron Weasley." Harry's face was flushed from embarrassment.

"Haha, is this a friggin' joke! Now, where's Dragon! HAHA, you guys are so flippin' lame!" The blonde one burst into laughter.

"What's his problem! Now, don't make me snap my fingers in a Z-formation!" Harry asked Dunkin while he snapped his fingers in a Z-formation. Maybe it was necessary for him to do that.

"You are fuckin' stupid! He's Turdis Fucking ! 'Muggle' actor for Dentyne Mouthfoam! Or however you friggin' say his name!" Dunkin said while laughing from Harry's stupidity.

"Hey! He's my playmate! His name is Draco Malfoy, Dunkin." Ron popped out of the water as Dunkin said this.

"BLEEEEP! I AM SENSING A BOMB, CAAAPTAIN!" Ron shouted. And then he dove back into the water, as usual.

"Hey, wait for me, Ron!" Dunkin shouted. Who knows why he wanted to jump into the water with Ron. Turdis figured that they were all gay. Or just completely feminine.

"What is up, homee?" Harry tried to act cool in front of Turdis so he raised his hand and waved the peace sign at him.

"Ummm… bye." Turdis walked away and jumped into the pool of water with Dunkin and Ron playing G. I. Joe in it.

"Oy, Harry! The water is warm! I bet Voldie micro-waved it for us too! Come on in, it's warm!" Ron shouted from the ocean. "GI Joe, Joe, GI JOOOOOE!" Ron squealed while he made noises with his tongue that were supposed to sound like a machine gun.

"Eh, sure, Ron!" Harry slipped off his shirt and trousers, and he left his boxers on, most unfortunately for us. He ran into the water and was suddenly sucked into the water by the water drift. "BLUURG HOOGEY GRAWR!" Harry squealed as he was sucked further into the water. No one really noticed what was happening to the poor innocent Harry. Also known as the-boy-who-lived-but-just-won't-die-after-being-attacked-so-many-times. While this was going on, Ron and Dunkin continued to play G.I. Joe while Turdis splashed around in the water repeating all profanities he could list off the top of his head, including "fuck," "mother fucker," "bitch," "bastard," and many more that we do not need to list.

Harry popped his head out of the water and choked for air while screaming, "I AM A-OKAY!" He gave a thumbs-up to no one in particular and decided to go back on shore, just in case. He wondered through the large swarm of trees and past the trees was a beautiful area of dirt. Harry thought the dirt was so beautiful; he fell to the floor and started to snuggle into the dirt leaving an impression of his body. He was still dripping wet from the ocean, so the dirt stuck to him like he was taking a bath in it. "Mmmm… I love you, dirt. You're the most beautiful dirt that I have ever come across in my seventeen years of life…" Harry mumbled to the ground. This was really pointless. Although, he didn't really care. He was stupid to fall in love with the dirt, for it was quite the player. Horses, unicorns, and chipmunks would make love to the dirt almost daily! Poor Harry didn't know what he was getting himself into at that point…

"Well, if my hair is too frizzy one day, I usually get some lizard saliva and spread it in my hair to make it flatten…" a female voice droned from quite a distance, and Harry actually heard her this time for this same person had been in hearing range for about ten days.

"Looleedada!" he heard a familiar voice say in response to the first voice. He decided to check it out, so he got up from his laying position and headed towards the two female voices.

"ADD much?" the first female voice said in reply to the reply of her own statement. The female who had replied to the reply of her own statement started to twist her hair around her finger while she popped her bubble gum loudly. She was the epitome of a ditz.

"Wait, does ADD stand for Apples Dance Depressingly? Because that's my favorite dance in the world!" the familiar female voice replied to the reply of her reply of the other female's statement. Hopefully I didn't confuse you with that. Why would I even want to do that? Anywho, the girl started to dance like she was bobbing her head up and down and started to crawl on the floor while rolling around in a depressing manner. It was depressing because she was getting horse dung all over her bright, bleached teeth. The dance wasn't depressing, just the results of the dance.

Once Harry came into view, he realized the one dancing was actually Hermione, but he didn't recognize the other female specimen. "Hey, Hermione, who's that?"

"Apples dance in their apple pants depreeeeessingly and infeeeeestingly…" Hermione just kept singing the tune to Apples Dance Depressingly (ADD).

"Whoa, who are you?" the girl who was inspecting her perfectly French manicured nails said to Harry's intrusion of their small secluded area of dirt. To Harry, the dirt wasn't as beautiful as the dirt back where he had started.

"I'm Harry Potter, of course," Harry replied to the girl's question proudly like when he met Dunkin earlier that… hour.

"Really." She said it as more of a disbelieving statement rather than a question.

"Really, I've got the scar and perfect complexion to prove it! I've even got the exotic green eyes!" Harry squealed proudly, not feeling ashamed of his identity.

"Well then, I'm Emission Wanker. I'm pretty sure you know me, because like, everyone does. Well, everyone should if they don't know who I am yet. Which they already should." Emission seemed sort of conceited and arrogant, but to Harry she was a number 9 on the male scale. "You've heard of me before, right?" Emission looked up from her nails for the first time to really acknowledge the presence of Harry.

"Of course I have! You play Hermione, my best idiotic friend, in the muggle movies of my life! Wow, you're really puuuuurty…" Harry started to salivate on the dirt, which was surely not as beautiful as the dirt earlier.

"I already know that, peshaw." Emission waved her hand in a circular motion while starting to look at her nails again.

"Well, uhh… nice to meet you, Emission," Harry stuttered. Gosh, many of the guys didn't think she was that hot, only him. Maybe he was just dumb and had screwed up eyes because of his glasses.

"Ugh, I hate my name, like, sooo much. Just call me Emichka. Oh my god, Emission sounds like some old guy's middle name, or like, a skunk or badger emission, or like, something like that…" Emission continued to examine her names, Hermione kept dancing to and singing to the song Apples Dance Depressingly, and Harry decided to go back to the beach to see what was going on with them. When he got back to the shore, he saw none other than Fred and George standing there.

"Hey Fred or George or whoever you are!" Harry exclaimed as he ran up to them to see what was going on.

"Well, we just came to say that you guys are all on a game show! It's for the wizarding world only, luckily," one of the twins stated. "Carry on, George."

"And the point of the game is to be able to last on this island until you can find the-husband-of-the-person-who-sings-horrible-songs-such-as-Oops-I-Did-It-Again-who-no-one-can-ever-remember-the-name-of's boxers," George, we figure, told them what they had to do.

"Then whoever gets his boxers first is sent to the Malfoy Manor for a month to see if they can put up with Narcissa, Draco and Lucius for that short amount of time along with many other obstacles. But that's for the next season of this show."

Back to George. "This season is called 'Where Are My Boxers!' because of the objective to find Britney Spears' husband's boxers. Is this all understood? Okay, we'll be leaving now." Then they apparated without any last words.

"Wait, how many of us is on this island right now?" Dunkin asked no one in particular.

"How the fuck do you think we're supposed to freaking know!" Tommy exclaimed sarcastically. "It's not like we flipping searched the island already in two hours!"

"Oh yeah, Ron? Remember your peanut butter sandwich?" Harry questioned Ron quite randomly.

"Yes, I remember my peanut butter sandwich like I had it yesterday…"

"You did have it yesterday. Well, if you wanted it back, you could just look for the loo on this island and take a peek inside the toilet bowl in about five hours."

"This is going to be such a long, stupid, annoying, retarded, silly, and idiotic game show!" Dunkin sighed and rested his head in his hands. He was right. He was sexually-retarded.

**A/N: **Well… was that alright for the first two chapters? I think that I'm going to try my first attempt at HarryDraco in later chapters… Watch me successfully fail. Reviews are extremely appreciated, dahhlings:)


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